I shouldn’t be writing this down, I should be forgetting I ever figured this out. Still…
World’s best microwave chocolate pudding:
1/2 cup milk
2 heaping tbs cocoa
1 tbs cornstarch
1 tbs sugar
pinch of salt
1/2 tsp instant decaf coffee
Mix cornstarch into milk until there are no lumps then beat everything together with a whisk.
When well combined, throw in microwave and microwave on high 30 seconds, while stirring like a mad thing with your whisk in between
repeat 3-4 times.
*When it comes out and it’s not quite as thick as you like it, nuke in 10 second shots.
*If it comes out and it looks lumpy like scrambled eggs, beat with the whisk like a maddest thing possible. It will relax.
Either cover with cling film and refrigerate until cold or, if life is too short, have a second bowl full of frozen fruit (strawberries, bananas, pineapple and especially cherries work well). Stir pudding into the bowl with the frozen fruit so you’re not eating from the nuclear hot bowl. Mix until combined. Let sit 3-4 minutes until your pudding is cold and your fruit isn’t.
Never eat solid food again.