“I was going to fuck you tonight,” Matt said. “Either on the couch or on your chair. You shouldn’t buy the cow unless you’ve at least tasted the milk—if I’m reducing myself to livestock—but I feel so dirty.” Matt didn’t look at Kevin. His heartbeat still thumped out of pace with the rest of him with the threat of Kevin wanting to break it off with him.
Matt slipped to his knees. It didn’t make him feel dirty or lesser, bur Kevin tried to stop him. He rubbed his face across the soft woolen trousers Kevin wore. He didn’t know wool could be so soft.
“Come off your knees, Mattie.”
“I’m comfortable,” Matt said.
“I promise you’ll be more comfortable.” Kevin offered his hand, pulling Matt back onto the sofa. “I want to make love to you.”
“How would you do that?” Matt asked instead of mocking it like it should be. “I don’t like sex inside of me. It hurts.”
“What if I promise it won’t?” Kevin asked. The leather sofa was wide and heavy. The two of them could lie down in it, Kevin spooning around Matt in a way that made Matt feel both comfortable and safe. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt either.
“How would you promise that?” Matt whispered.
“I won’t come inside you until want me to,” Kevin said.
“You’d wait to fuck me until I tell you can?” Matt asked, unable to keep his skepticism out of his voice. “Just like that?”
“I swear it,” Kevin said.
“So you’re just going to suffer with blowjobs until I’m okay with getting fucked by you?” Matt asked. “That’s quite noble of you. When do I get off?”
“Whenever you want. However you want.”
“What if I wanted to fuck you?” Matt had been terrified at the thought of Kevin breaking up with him a moment ago, but with Kevin wrapped up around him, Matt’s bravery kicked up a notch.
“Just say the word,” Kevin said, not even tensing up at the thought. “Well, words. If you wanted to stick your dick in me, the least you could say was please.”
“Are you serious?” Matt asked.
“Why? Do you want to fuck me?”
Matt hadn’t ever thought of it before. “I don’t… It’s not… It’s just…” The words crashed inside Matt’s mouth. “I wouldn’t do it on a date.” He felt Kevin stiffen. He needed a new vocabulary. “I mean, I wouldn’t have done it for money. I don’t think I could have.” He took Kevin’s hand, pulling his arm around his hips and letting Kevin cup his dick. “You aren’t a john for me. But I have to think about it as just a job. If I think about what I did as…as actual sex, I think it would break me. And I need my brain to be unbroken. Please don’t take it personally. I know it’s something I should be ashamed about, and I will be, I promise. Please let me slip up. I know there’s a difference between what has happened and your hand on my dick. I can’t promise I’ll be perfect, but I’ll try to make it up to you.”
Kevin kissed him on the back of the neck. His whole body relaxed. Matt relaxed as well. Kevin’s hand expertly undid Matt’s now very much too-tight jeans. He pulled them down so that the zipper wouldn’t cut into his sensitive skin. It was lower than Matt would have let anyone else put them; he felt hobbled but in a good way he trusted.
“You didn’t answer the question,” Kevin whispered.
“Me fucking you,” Matt repeated, and the thoughts once again crashed before anything else could escape his brain.
“Your dick, in my ass, moving your hips in a rhythmic fashion,” Kevin repeated. His hand was so big that Matt felt engulfed but still had a couple of inches. He’d never measured himself, but wanted to for the first time.
“I’ve never done it before,” Matt said. “My rhythmic fashion would be rabid hamster. You’d really let me?”
“I’ve never been with a guy I’ve wanted to have up my ass, but I’ve let Bea fuck me a few times with a strap-on. It’s an interesting sensation.”
He made it sound like an exotic kind of take-out food.
“You want me in your ass?” Matt repeating, his voice in a pitch he didn’t think he could recreate with helium.
“I want you,” Kevin said simply. “And though I would prefer to see you with your head thrown back and your ankles over my shoulders as I’m fucking you into next week, I will be very happy to have you barely managing to contain your enthusiasm or even bursting off on the back of my thigh. You’ll get better at it.”
He was doing something with his hand to Matt’s dick, fucking the foreskin up over the already tight skin. His thumb and forefinger pinched the crown always just this side of good not bad. Matt was using Kevin’s other arm as a pillow, spooned up the way they were. Kevin threw his leg over Matt’s ass and upper thigh, fucking him down into Kevin’s warm, lubed fist.
Matt embarrassed himself by not being able to stop himself from drooling onto Kevin’s suit. He couldn’t even offer to pay for the dry cleaning. Kevin’s leg looped over and under Matt’s leg and Kevin’s erection pressed firmly against the cleft of Matt’s naked ass.
“You going to come for me?” Kevin whispered in Matt’s ear. “Don’t fight it. Just ride it out. Do you like me manhandling your cock like this? If you want it tighter, just ask.”
“No,” Matt said, surprised at how rough the word came out of him. He always wanted to come as fast as possible with the minimal amount of fuss and bother. Everything had to be exactly the same for him to build the sensations enough to come off it. Guys jerking off their rent-boy had watched too much edited porn. The rush was in his ears first, of all places, but Kevin’s solid body and the twist he gave at the base of Matt’s dick worked all the way down to his prostate.
He could have come sooner, when the pleasure of his potential orgasm was in the small numbers—two and two is four, four and four eight—but the pinching kept the pleasure building from geometric to exponential figures. Two to the power of three, to the power of four, to the power of five…
Matt grabbed onto the arm he was using as a pillow, riding out the last couple thrusts. “Kevin, oh, Kevin…” He might never get the hang of porn talk, but what ripped through him from places he didn’t know he was supposed to have or how to work that way made him want to bite down.
He pumped his hips into Kevin’s fist as each movement made the pleasure better or prolonged. “Kevin,” he repeated, his brain all but whiting out. This was what all the fuss was about. This made what happened in bathroom stalls and backseats of cars go fish to seven-card stud.
The moments after Matt’s body finished the rush and roar, he pushed Kevin’s hand away and brought his knee up so that he could recuperate without being touched. His body kept moving, riding out the waves. He knew he was rubbing against Kevin’s body, but Kevin pulled back and just let him finish doing his thing without using Matt’s body while Matt wasn’t able to control his movement.
When the last of the pleasure ebbed away, Kevin was still over him. His erection hadn’t moved from where it pushed against him.
“Are you expecting me to do something for you?” Matt asked, shifting his hips back so that his ass rubbed along the length of Kevin’s cock.
“I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do,” Kevin said, his voice inches away from Matt’s ear. His breath was shallow so that he didn’t move his body along Matt with his breath.
“I don’t want to do anything,” Matt said, knowing how selfish that sounded after Kevin had given him such a lovely little peak.
“You don’t have to do anything,” Kevin said. “Turn over and lift your shirt. I want to come on your stomach.”
“Is that a thing for you?” Matt asked, not wanting his voice to sound judgmental, but was curious.
Kevin moved off him so Matt could turn over and lift his shirt. “This is the only thing I have to do?” he asked.
“Absolutely,” Kevin said.
None of his weight was over Matt. Matt turned around. “But you still want me here,” Matt said.
“Absolutely,” Kevin repeated. He undid his trousers. “I want you to look at me though.”
Matt met Kevin’s eyes. “Like this?”
Kevin smiled. Most of his weight was on his forearms and knees. “Exactly like this. You’re so beautiful,” Kevin whispered. His blue eyes were open and bright. Matt didn’t feel trapped at all, even with his jeans down to his thighs. “Just keep looking at me.”
Matt put his hands on Kevin’s shoulders as he thrust into his fist. “Nothing is going to hurt when I’m inside you. I swear.”
Matt believed him. “You can come into my mouth, if you need it.”
“I don’t,” Kevin said. “Just hold still.”
Matt did so. He felt Kevin’s semen splashing on his stomach. He didn’t have to do anything for the second time. Matt kissed him, sucking on Kevin’s lips. Kevin kissed him back, his body shivering. “I don’t need anything from you, my darling. I want you.”
Matt licked up what Kevin left on him. He didn’t know how long he spent curled up next to Kevin, but when it was time to get up and get going, Matt knew it.
Dozing with Kevin on the couch was the most intimate act Matt had ever done. There was something Kevin wasn’t telling him. “You can tell me whatever it is,” Matt said.
Kevin sighed. “I have to spend a couple days away on family business, but I’ll be back by Thursday. It’s just two days.”
A week ago, Matt didn’t know who Kevin was. Being alone for two days shouldn’t have rocked Matt to the core, but he did. “Tell me you’ll miss me.”
“I’m going to be gone for a lot longer than two days under the hill. I’ll be gone a lot longer than two days for me. I’ll miss you horribly.” Kevin continued kissing him, even as they got dressed. “Come with me,” Kevin said. “We’ll have two whole weeks together. Only two days will pass. It’s the magic under the hill.”
“I can’t leave Sam that long,” Matt said, as much as he wanted to just go.
Kevin exhaled. “I understand. Let me take you home. The blood work will be dropped off in the morning I promise you.”
“If it wasn’t for Sam, I’d go with you,” Matt said. “I’d go with you in a second.”
Kevin touched his lips. “Don’t. I never want you to resent your little brother. It’s just two days.”
“Do you want to spend the night?” Matt asked. He didn’t want to explain why they couldn’t have sex in the house. It was nonbinding, but he’d agreed to it.
“Darling, I can’t. I wish I could.”
To celebrate the release of my new book Changeling, I’m going to be posting related links on Tuesdays and cut scenes on Thursdays for the next month. Changeling is a m/m paranormal erotica novel about Matt, who sells sex to keep himself and his little brother together. When Matt discovers Kevin, the john he’s rapidly falling for, is a Prince of the Fae, the questions start piling up. But most importantly, why does Kevin keep acting like it’s Matt who will leave, when it’s Matt who’s the broken one?