It’s Cut Scene Thursday again! We’re still spoilerific around here, so watch for that cut tag.
This is the second version of Matt shopping for jeans in a thrift shop. In the second version, like in the final draft, there’s more going on plot-wise and the thrift store is just the backdrop. A lot of the background and relationships have already been established, so I had to sacrifice some of the details.
Kevin called him Mattie a lot earlier in the final version of the book. The scene is all about Matt stepping away from his old life in a deliberate choice, but it ultimately had to get scaled back and go in a different direction. I still love the banter between them–in all versions.
“What do I have to say to make you run away from me screaming?” Matt said.
“This isn’t working for me. It’s best you don’t contact me again,” Kevin said.
Matt’s heart couldn’t keep taking the up-and-down rushes. “Is that what I’m supposed to say?”
“Yes. Or any words to those effect. You need to memorize anything. If you want me gone, just say so.”
“If I want you gone,” Matt repeated. He couldn’t help himself. Kevin had draped his jacket back over his shoulders without putting his arms through the sleeves, but Matt hugged him from behind because he didn’t want to be rejected. Everything felt a little too tender to risk a face-to-face rebuff.
Kevin remained perfectly still while Matt got as much contact as he needed. Matt pulled away first, expecting Kevin to do or say something, but he kept his mouth shut. He tugged the jeans from Kevin’s grip. Kevin tightened his hold. “What are you going?” Kevin said.
“I’m putting them back,” Matt said.
“I’m buying them for me,” Kevin said. “You looked stunningly gorgeous in them. If my boyfriend should want to wear them again in my presence, I’d back him against the wall and yank them off him and fuck him with them down by his knees.”
Matt wanted the hole to open up again. “You said you didn’t have a boyfriend. Are we the same size? Did you pick me deliberately because we are?” Matt put his hands up over his face. “Are you talking about me? Did you just call me your boyfriend?”
“Could I talk now?” Kevin asked.
Matt nodded, his hands over his face. Kevin took hold of his wrists, pulling his hands down. He looked away. “What do you want me to call you?”
A woman came into the change room section. It was late, and the store was about to close.
Matt lowered his voice. “We haven’t even done it yet. What if I’m terrible?”
Kevin lifted his chin again. Matt wanted to melt at the touch. “I doubt that’s possible.”
Matt just wanted to get out of the store. The announcement the thrift shop was closing in two minutes didn’t help. “I’ve been fucked by an awful lot of guys,” Matt said. He hugged his chest.
The grandmother at the till had two very young children hanging of the woman’s arms still had their winter jackets and snow pants done up, and they looked overly hot and tired. The young girl looked up at Kevin, her dark skin flushed in what looked like a heat rash, her brown eyes huge. The young boy had been throwing himself back and forth in the seat of the shopping cart, but he stopped his flailing and started at Kevin as well.
“I can help you over here,” a young white man said from the other till in the checkout kiosk. He had almost perfectly round eyes and the flat features of someone with Down’s syndrome. “How are you tonight, your majesty?” the young man asked.
He wasn’t looking at Kevin. Matt shrugged. “I’ve had better days,” Matt said honestly. Kevin took his wallet out, but Matt got his out first. “I told you. I don’t want you to buy me anything,” he protested.
“You also said you weren’t going to buy the jeans.”
“Your majesty?” the boy asked.
“Sir or madam, Scotty,” the woman working the other till corrected, as though the boy had just made a counting error.
Matt counted out the fifty and then six twenties. It emptied his wallet. The rest of Matt’s money was hidden in the lining of his suitcase. It was so many bills, and with taxes, Matt didn’t even know if it was enough. Kevin had a black credit card out. The hundred and sixty dollars, plus tax, would be nothing for Kevin.
Kevin kissed the back of his neck. “I beg you to do me a favor and put your money away. I would willing pay if you let me do this for you.”
“You would owe me a favor if I would let you pay,” Matt repeated. He looked up at Scotty’s wide-open face. “What would you do?”
“Okay. Buy me whatever you need to,” Matt said.
“You don’t have to sound so miserable.”
“Don’t I? You promised me you wouldn’t pay. And now I’m late, and unless you can break the speed limit I don’t think we’ll get to the clinic on time, and I’ll owe the headmaster an even bigger date because I don’t even have the cops to blame as to why I couldn’t get the blood work done because the only excuse I have is I wanted to get fucked by you, and I didn’t even get fucked, so all life is horrible.”
“Did you want to get fucked by me?”
“Yes,” Matt said miserably. “I probably told myself I just wanted to go shopping with you, but that’s only because I couldn’t imagine wanting to have you in me as the reason and not just the cost to do something. You make me get sex. You make me want it, but we’re not going to be able to have it.”
“I’m too upset about missing the deadline. Cornelius isn’t going to be happy I fucked up. Not play fucked up—come over here and let me spank you upset, but if you couldn’t get the test done tonight you’re wasting both our time, and he’s right. I am wasting everyone’s time. I didn’t want to fall asleep, but I didn’t stop myself. He’s not going to understand, and I forgot pencil crayons. In my head, I had two hours.”
“You slept because I let you. You said you were in a hurry, and I thought I knew best. I can bring you to my office and get a private doctor to take your blood.”
“You could?” Matt asked. He hadn’t even known that was a possibility. In his head he had thought the game was over. He was going to have to trust Kevin to the end of time come what had him, and he was kind of starting to be okay with that. It meant not having to placate Cornelius regardless of the long-term issues with all his eggs in Kevin…And again, Matt was okay.
This kept the safety net of the headmaster still entwined around him, and he wanted to be in free-fall.
“Do you have the doctor on retainer?”
“Will you hold my hand when he takes the blood?” Matt asked.
“Will it hurt?” Matt asked.
“Are you still talking about the blood being drawn?” Kevin asked.
“Yes,” Matt lied.
“I promise you he’s very good.”
Kevin opened the door for Matt. Matt copped another grope of Kevin’s dick. He was big…Bigger than Matt had ever willingly had in him. “What is the opposite of a size queen?”
“I promise you it’s not going to hurt.”
“You can’t promise me that. I’ve had enough dicks in me that no matter how gentle you are, I’m still going to feel something.”
“Then we aren’t going to have sex until you trust me not to hurt. It is possible.”
“I know my body!”
“And I know the act of making love.”
“Making love,” Matt said mockingly. “Are you going to lie me down on a bed of rose petals?”
“If that is what it takes or is what you want.”
“You mean to tell me you can shove your massive dick in me, and it won’t hurt?”
“I can’t help it if you’re a little sore the next day from friction, but that’s going to hurt regardless.”
“You’re mad,” Matt said. “Stark raving.”
“I’m so sorry no one had taken the time to make it not hurt.”
“Can I see it?” Matt asked.
“You want to see my penis?”
“Look, I could pretend I’m super down for whatever kinky shit you want to do, or I could actually tell you how I feel. I can’t do both because wanting to do sex is all new to me. And I want to do this with you, and I know I’m overreacting.”
“You’re just reacting,” Kevin said. “May I close the door first, or do you want to be fighting a public indecency charge?”
Matt could lose Sam if he was arrested, if he got caught by the cops with his dick out. “Don’t even joke about that.”
Kevin closed the car door. Matt stared at him. He didn’t have his hand on the other door, but he wasn’t so much sitting in the chair as alighting on it, ready to bolt should the situation call for it. “What do you want me to do?” Kevin asked.
Matt shifted closer to the door. “I told you. Take it out.”
“Would you kiss me first?”
“What if it’s too big?” Matt asked.
“Flattery will get you anything,” Kevin said. “I still want to kiss you.” Kevin lifted his hips, and undid his belt and his slacks. Matt’s mouth was dry. He needed a multiple-dimensional graph to plot his turned-onness, fear, excitement, and worry. Kevin wore silk boxers, but the lump of his cock was obvious to the point where Matt could see the crown of his uncircumcised penis. “It’s cold in here. Could you give the cabin a moment to warm up?”
Matt hadn’t looked him in the eye since they left the store. He knew he was treating Kevin like the meat he hated being treated like. Matt slipped beside him. He had all the grace of an armadillo falling into a crevasse in a mountain, but next to Kevin he felt every motion had a purpose and every action was deliberate. He met Kevin’s eye, wanting to be everything Kevin wanted him to be, all awkwardness gone.
He touched the inner, wet part of Kevin’s lip. “I want to see your cock,” Matt said. “Do you want me to see it?”
“Very much,” Kevin said. “But not like it’s a sausage at the meat counter.”
Matt giggled, burying his face in Kevin’s shoulder. He couldn’t help the sound or his reflex action. Kevin’s shoulder was just a safe place for his face to hide. “I can’t afford to shop at stores that even have meat counters.”
He straddled Kevin’s lap. Kevin’s trousers were still down. The black glass all around them let Matt see the faces of people walking to the movie theatre that shared the parking lot of the thrift shop. The car had more than a few queer looks at a long car parked in front of the thrift shop, but no one could see inside the glass.
Matt pulled his face away from Kevin’s body. He didn’t want to. He could have spend all night with his face tucked away into Kevin’s pectoral muscle. He put both hands down Kevin’s chest, down to his belly, to the waist of his boxers.
“May I?” Matt asked, looking back up to Kevin’s blue eyes. Kevin’s dick was still hard. He shifted on the half of Kevin’s thigh. He didn’t like not being balanced. He slipped off onto his knees. That felt better, but it made Kevin more uncomfortable.
“Mattie, please. Don’t get down on your knees.”
There was that name again, but he said it slightly differently than the last time. Matt slid back onto the back bench. “Is it because of my past?” Matt asked, looking back down. Kevin even pulled his trousers back up. Matt didn’t argue.
“I swear it isn’t.”
The car started. Kevin lifted his arm. Matt slipped back beside him. He put his head back down Kevin’s thigh. “What does Mattie mean?” Matt asked. “You said it differently.”
“You noticed that?” Kevin asked.
Matt shrugged. “I hear everything you say.” He put his hand over Kevin’s dick, even through the two different layers of cloth. “Do you promise it’s not going to hurt?”
“Are you really worried it’s going to?” Kevin asked.
“I want it to be perfect.”
Kevin touched the back of Matt’s ear. “It will be. I promise I will worship your body.”
Matt shivered. “You don’t have to worship this body. Not after all it has had in it.”
“You’ve had nothing in it,” Kevin said.
Matt felt his body stiffen, and not in the good way.
“Nothing,” Matt said too quickly. “I don’t want you to hurt me, but I don’t want to play the virgin either.” He slipped his hand down Kevin’s trousers. “You are big though. I’m really not faking it. I don’t like taking dick inside me, but you make me fuzzy inside at the thought. I’ll tell you your baby pinky is the biggest cock I’ve ever seen, but when I say, no, don’t, or stop, I’m not saying no, don’t stop.”
“I like how you say my name. You said it differently this time.”
“It’s a play on words. The first one meant one who was wary. Today I said it to mean one who is weary. It’s a short name for Mattias, one who is worthy.”
“Mattias. Is that my name?” Matt asked.
Kevin bowed his head. “It was the one you were born with. If another stronger individual comes along and changes your name…and you’re agreeable, it just…takes.”
Kevin’s phone buzzed. “Do you mind?” Kevin asked.
“As long as you’re not booking another date after me.” Matt paused. “Unless you are actually booking another date after me. In which case, my rates don’t double, they quadruple.”
“I’m not booking another date. I’m trying to find a set of pencil crayons for your brother.”
Matt had forgotten he needed to find a set. He pushed his head down into Kevin’s lap. “I forgot.”
“You don’t have to remember everything any more.”
“But it was the only thing he asked for,” Matt said. He lay flat on his back on the seat. “Thom says Sam is going to be a monster by the time he’s a teenager, and that I’m not going to be able to control him. He doesn’t get that I’m not Sam’s dad. If Sam is going to act like an out-of-control hell-beast, I can’t stop him. I can’t stop anything. I’m nineteen years old. Who in the hell would give me an eleven-year old to bring up? I can’t even bring up myself.” He covered his face with his hands again. It felt safe and warm with his head on Kevin’s thigh and his legs splayed out. It was a stretch limo; it wasn’t a motorhome.
“Got a set. The doctor will bring them with him,” Kevin said, putting his phone away.
Matt put his hands down. “Did you hear a word I said?” he asked.
“Did you want me to hear a word you said?” Kevin asked, taking ahold of the string that went through Matt’s hood. He wrapped it around his finger.
“Not really,” Matt said honestly.
“Then I didn’t.”
“Why do you have time for me when you didn’t have time for all the other people you dated?”
Kevin let go of the string and took Matt’s hand. He entwined their fingers together. “Because half of my job is dealing with the King’s business.”
“And Sam’s the King,” Matt guessed. He pulled Kevin’s hand down to his belly. He wanted to be touched. Kevin untangled their fingers and slipped his hand under Matt’s hoodie so that his fingertips brushed Matt’s bare skin. “That’s why you want me to have the money to take care of him, right?”
“You think you have everything figured out,” Kevin said. He didn’t stop stroking Matt’s stomach.
“I only know what I know, and I know that protecting Sam is the most important job I have. The first time I saw Sam, I knew what love felt like. I didn’t know there were different kinds of love though, but I would lie down my life for my brother the same way you’d probably lie down you life for your King.”
“You’re absolutely right.” Kevin’s hand stroking Matt’s stomach was lulling Matt down into some sort of sleep, though he couldn’t feel a nefarious purpose in so much of a strand of hair on Kevin’s head. “I absolutely would.”
“So why didn’t you tell me who Sam was?” Matt asked. If he were the brother of the King that Kevin served, he shouldn’t have to fuck strangers for money.
“Sam isn’t anyone,” Kevin said. He continued to stroke Matt’s stomach. Matt arched his back, letting Kevin touch him farther up the hoodie. His hand stretched, scratching at Matt’s nipples. Kevin didn’t hurt, but the pressure was lovely. “The Fae lineage doesn’t pass from father to son or from brother to brother. Sam has about as much chance of being the next King as I do.”
Matt’s pleasure bubbled out of him. “So Sam has no chance of being King. Why even mention it at all?”
“Maybe it’s time you heard the truth.”
Matt arched his back, trying to push Kevin’s hand lower down on his belly. “If I unzipped my jeans, would you think I was a slut?” Matt whispered.
“No,” Kevin said. “I would never, ever think you were easy.”
“I didn’t say ‘easy.’ I said ‘slut,’” Matt said. He undid his too-tight jeans. There was barely enough room for Kevin to slip his hand down the front of his jeans. He sucked in his breath. “But you want something more from me, and I don’t know what that it. It’s too big more me to see.”
“It is something bigger for you to see.”
“What is it?”
The car arrived into an underground garage. Kevin wasn’t going to stick his hand down Matt’s pants now, not even if he unzipped them. The arm came up, and Kevin had one of the important parking spots that was reserved for Mr. Whiteshade, twenty-four hours a day. “You couldn’t have taken a lap around the block?” Matt asked, doing his jeans back up. He had to lean all the way back against the seat to do it.
“I’m surprised just the next size up fit you so well.”
“Different brands, different styles,” Matt said. “Are you going to tell me what I’m not seeing?”
“Yes,” Kevin said.
Matt wanted Kevin to kiss him so badly it was as though he willed it into being. Kevin kissed him. Mouth on mouth, breath swapping breath. Matt felt dizzy with it. Kevin’s hand came up between Matt’s legs, to the bulge his dick made Matt jerk under his touch. “May I make love to you this evening?”
“You can do whatever you want with me,” Matt said.
“You don’t know what I’m going to tell you.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“But it won’t.”
Matt kissed the inside of Kevin’ s throat. “I might beg you to change your mind.”
“You don’t have to.” He offered Matt his arm. Matt took it. Kevin looked so queer, holding the thrift-store bag, but he wouldn’t let Matt take it back. He had a private key to the private elevator. Matt wanted Kevin to pin him to the corner of the elevator and, again it was like Kevin read his mind.
“You were going to show me all of you,” Matt said. “Head to toe, no boxers. Naked. And I can kiss you places. Any place I like. I could worship you with my mouth.”
“You’re straight-up changing the rule.”
“Because I’m such a catch,” Matt said.
“Yes,” Kevin said.
Matt thought he should be upset at being ogled the way Kevin was staring at him, but it was different. He wanted Kevin to like looking at him. He wanted Kevin’s hands on his inseam. He wanted Kevin to appreciate his body and was glad that Kevin did. “Perfect.”
To celebrate the release of my new book Changeling, I’m going to be posting related links on Tuesdays and cut scenes on Thursdays for the next month. Changeling is a m/m paranormal erotica novel about Matt, who sells sex to keep himself and his little brother together. When Matt discovers Kevin, the john he’s rapidly falling for, is a Prince of the Fae, the questions start piling up. But most importantly, why does Kevin keep acting like it’s Matt who will leave, when it’s Matt who’s the broken one?